Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize