You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My pussy is not your playground.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you inspire me to be a worse person
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
