question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
