Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
