what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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