Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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