Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
