Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
