I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
