What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize