i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
