That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
