If i come over, it means nothing
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
