So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
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Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
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OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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