i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
