we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
