dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
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