so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
