Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
