under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I love you.
Bad choice
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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