Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
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I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
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PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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