Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
