I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
