He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
