I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
