Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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