The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There are leaves in my underwear?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
