Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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