Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
