Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
There's even glitter on my cock...
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