when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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