??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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