i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
