It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so let's talk penis.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
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I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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