so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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