my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
