last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Randomize
