Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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