I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
