But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
