I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
