i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
