Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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