I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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