I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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