i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
