Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
