is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just forgot I was standing up.