you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
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A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
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You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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