Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?