I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
