I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Vodka?
Forever.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
