I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
