I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
