Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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