The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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