We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
