What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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