I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
