She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
