Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
