Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
