I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
