super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
