I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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