so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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