pop tarts are not kleenex
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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