can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
