i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
