Can Purell be used as lube?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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