She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
