I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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