the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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