If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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