Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
