bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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