Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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