Moan for me like Helen Keller
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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