Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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