i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
